The Game of Life

The Game of Life

The Game of Life, not to be confused with my favorite show – Game of Thrones. Although I can draw a correlation between the two. “When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die.” I think of diabetes as a potential road to death, hence the game of life. What kind of life do I want? I’m insulin resistant, which is type 2 diabetes. It’s treatable and I have the option to take control of my life.

I like my food. Plus I travel and I have a desk job so I’m not staying as active as I should. Although I did start wearing a Samsung watch that gives me nasty grams to get my butt moving throughout the day…stay active. Foodie and desk rider does NOT pair well with diabetes of any sort.  A key piece of the game.

Earlier this year I had been feeling miserable and just couldn’t get past symptoms that had been coming and going for more than a year. I’m terrible to treat myself with home remedies a lot of times. Plus I kept thinking I eat healthy so I’m not getting why I feel so bad. Along comes June and a girl I went to high school with walks up to the event I’m supporting, and I’m like damn she looks fabulous! What has she done? Since we’ve known each other a long time I had no problem asking. She tells me she had bariatric surgery. 

I hadn’t really thought about having surgery until that moment and then I thought “would that work for me.” I went home and did my research, met with her to get the lowdown on what she did, and then talked with another friend that had a different type of surgery. It was a big decision and I needed to talk to my doctor. He had to officially sign off on this medically. 

“The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.” Amelia Earhart

I was at that point of making a decision. What action do I take?! I’ll tell you after much discussion and bless my doctor for spending the time talking with me. I decided that based on my health, and how I felt about my “sugar control” that surgery might not be the best choice. I had other challenges that needed to be overcome like a carb addiction. If you just laughed no worries but I’m not being dramatic. A lifetime of eating whatever I want and especially carbs because my body craves the crap out of them thanks to insulin resistance. You feed the demon and it demands more. I’d been happily feeding mine and now I have to find control, so I can be healthy beyond right now. I don’t want to fall into full diabetic status and just by having surgery wouldn’t guarantee that wouldn’t happen. In the end it might cause more complications so controlling my sugar a necessity. Mostly so I don’t have the highs and low’s – gain some control. 

First thing was the list my doctor gave me of what to avoid:

  1. Sugar – no kidding
  2. Pasta – OMG I love this stuff and I’d make a fantastic Italian
  3. Bread – nirvana
  4. Rice – stay away from white food
  5. Potatoes – I cry over this
  6. <30gm/meal of carbs – fml

He gave me a book that lists most every food. What I thought was a good option got booted and figuring out ways to eliminate carbs but feed my foodie soul was a challenge. It’s still a challenge. There are days I just drink a protein shake cause nothing sounds appealing. I try to eat as fresh as possible. I think over processed food is a major issue as well…go natural as possible. Fortunately for me right down the road is a farmer’s market. The Fenton’s have their own store front they keep open most of the year. The owners are wonderful and I love supporting a local farmer and the produce that is sourced from around the state.

Beyond just controlling food, aka the fork as my doctor called it. I have to exercise. Failing in this key area….I think weight loss would be greater if I would exercise. I decided that I would breakout the hated exercise ball. Previously I completed the New Rules of Lifting for Women. I’d like to start that program over again, but I’d need to get a gym membership. Ugh my last gym burned down and it was in a great spot. The options left to me are 3x’s as expensive and I hate paying for classes I’ll never use. I like lifting and I detest cardio. Just throwing that out there right now. All those cardio memes are probably for me. Anyway in NRFLFW there are several exercise ball circuits that will make you wish for death….I mean make you sweat. Plus the body weight exercises will be an improvement over doing nothing. Geez admission makes me feel like I have to do it now to have some accountability. Gah

As I said in the beginning I’m playing the Game of Life. My life as a person that isn’t held hostage to diabetes and all the other issues that come along with it. What does it take for me to win or die in this game? It takes control of the carbs I put in my body. Sounds easy but it’s not. It takes losing weight so my body can hopefully right some of the insulin resistant issues I’m creating. Again no easy task because one thing a person with insulin resistance knows is that losing weight is like winning the Olympics. Lots of effing hard work. When you do those things you keep doing them because you can easily slip into old habits that will put you back on the path of death. And finally being active and exercising. Riiiight, like exercise is something we like doing. All I can say is find something you like doing. If it’s hiking then hike, walking then walk that ass, or if you’re like me and it’s lifting get in the gym. Until I can get over the sticker shock I’m going to torture myself with the freaking exercise ball and body weight exercises. I’m committing to a future report out to stay accountable just don’t expect it next week or even next month. This task is almost as hard as the carbs. 

Oh to be young and willingly go for a run, now I’d rather sit on the couch with a book and a glass of wine. So I’m going to gather some courage and start this program. I’ve been tenacious up to this point. I’ll keep grinding on until I know I’m in a place where my body is healthy, and I’m winning the game not back in the pack.

Play to Win – G.

*photo Voodoo donuts Portland, OR – Voodoo doll (deliciousness also a sugary sweet carb)

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Is this the right path?

Is this the right path?

Geez don’t know about you but I’ve been asking myself that question A LOT lately. Actually I’m thinking I’ve wandered off the path and I’m in the briers all tangled up and getting stabbed with the thorns. I feel a little scratched up and possibly bruised from the struggle. I start struggling even though its futile and I should just go straight to some prayer and ask for help right then…BUT that would be a big no because my pride is a bit extreme and wants to figure out a plan first. I’m telling you this does NOT help me at all because eventually I have to recognize, that I have absolutely no control over what is happening in my life. What I do have control over is how I’m going to react to it. Do I continue to struggle? Do I not seek some heavenly help and admit I need God to take the load? Do I welcome help when it comes to light and allow my pride to fall to the wayside? Pride is the root of my evil. It gets me every time!!!!

I will freely admit that I struggled for a day this time before I admitted to God that I was not in control, and could he please take the wheel of this out of control life I’ve got going on right now. Not only has he taken control but I was given some insights into why I’m in this situation. DO I LIKE IT? Yeah I’m screaming….that would be no but I recognize why it’s happening and that there is a plan. It’s not my plan, it’s God’s plan. Will I be Job and put my faith in God’s plan for me and those I care for, or do I really think I’m better and can come up with something even greater….just saying now that I don’t.

He has a purpose and maybe I don’t see all the parts of the plan, but my responsibility is to humbly accept it and know the results will be exactly what they should be. Maybe God has to make little changes for the big change to fall into place or maybe it’s a test and I need to fall in line. If you aren’t a believer I’m sure this all sounds strange, but my faith has sustained me since the day I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old. A big commitment that equals only one thing – Grace. Hard to image that I made such a momentous decision at an early age, but it has been a rock in my life even when it’s been a roller coaster. I’ve been on lots of strange paths and narrow winding ways that have felt dark and lonely in the beginning and then I remember I have Grace….I know Jesus. Is it an easy path…I would like to say yes, but the first part of this blog will attest to a big fat no. I always struggle and it’s because my pride gets in my way. Each day I don’t have a struggle is a day that feels blessed and like the burdens are weightless – if only I could remember that when I start to build the walls and make my own plans and design my own path – ugh I make it tough on myself.

To quote Forrest Gump ‘Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.’

You feel like you have things going in the right direction and then BAM! Life smacks you right up side the head. So my reaction is to hold tight to my faith and know that there is a plan. That doesn’t mean I standby and let life bowl me over, but I do acknowledge my reality and move on. Perseverance seems to be my middle name anymore. I’m just going to reach into that box of chocolates and see what other tasty bite I can get out of this life. Enjoy the little things – Rule #32

My goal is to be a role model that my son can look up to and know that being responsible and accountable are expected and should be embedded into your life. It’s not an after thought or an option when it feels good or people might be watching. Even when you’re the only one, stand-up for what is right. It’s not always easy or the popular choice but then I have never taken either so why start now. Makes me want to do a ‘Twanda’ yell!!!

-G.